Thursday, March 28, 2019

The Feeling of Guilt


How often does the feeling of guilt bug you? Do you lament over the thought that you are not being able to live up to your family's expectations? Guilt enters our lives in more ways than we can imagine.
You can feel guilty if you had that extra piece of chocolate which you forbade your kid to have. You can feel guilty giving a flimsy excuse to your family and sneaking out to enjoy your 'me time'. You can feel guilty for not earning enough. You can feel guilty lying to someone just because you want to avoid them. The list is endless.
More than anything, we feel guilty when we want to do something solely for ourselves. We think a hundred times before planning a quiet weekend, sceptical that it might offend the family. I know several people who have sacrificed their dreams only because they felt guilty about putting their own interest above the others. They have let years pass by. Now in their twilight years, they regret not having done what they always wanted to do.
That is exactly what guilt does to us. It eats into our present and disturbs our future. It makes us unhappy and forces us to unwillingly make sacrifices to please others. What we don't realize is that sometimes those repeated selfless acts turn into expectations.
For example, if you are spoon-feeding someone every day, you will be loved and appreciated initially. Soon, it becomes a routine. The day you stop, you will not just annoy the other person, they will blame you for being selfish. Because, it has become a habit for them to expect the spoon-feeding from you. Similarly, if you are offering money to an able family member in need continuously, the person is slowly turning into a parasite. S/he will always be in need of money and will have a tendency to take advantage of your goodness. Just refuse them the money once and you will see their true colours. Of course, only if you are able to get rid of your feeling of guilt first.
Perhaps there is no perfect way or approach to kill that guilt-feeling.
But you can always make a beginning by setting daily goals. For example, "I will complete these 3 things today, regardless of everything and NOT feel guilty." How often do we feel guilty for depriving ourselves of the little flickers of happiness we deserve to enjoy? Rarely. Those unfulfilled desires translate into regrets later in life.
Even on this day, there are thousands of school-girls especially in villages who feel guilty for going to school and not being able to help their mother with household chores. There are 21st century superwomen who feel guilty for going to office and leaving their child with a family member or a babysitter. There are people, both men and women who stay unmarried lifelong to provide for their families. They feel guilty that marriage might change them, because they are the sole breadwinners.
It is great to help others and always be there for them. But not at the cost of denying yourself what is rightfully yours. Go dance in the rain, enjoy that cool breeze, go on that solo trip, set your eyes on the unthinkable dream and achieve it. Because no one but you and you alone can stand up for yourself and live your dream. Shed your inhibitions, kick the guilt, and enjoy life till you have it.




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