How often does the feeling of guilt bug you? Do you lament
over the thought that you are not being able to live up to your family's
expectations? Guilt enters our lives in more ways than we can imagine.
You can feel guilty if you had that extra piece of chocolate
which you forbade your kid to have. You can feel guilty giving a flimsy excuse
to your family and sneaking out to enjoy your 'me time'. You can feel guilty
for not earning enough. You can feel guilty lying to someone just because you
want to avoid them. The list is endless.
More than anything, we feel guilty when we want to do
something solely for ourselves. We think a hundred times before planning a
quiet weekend, sceptical that it might offend the family. I know several people
who have sacrificed their dreams only because they felt guilty about putting
their own interest above the others. They have let years pass by. Now in their
twilight years, they regret not having done what they always wanted to do.
That is exactly what guilt does to us. It eats into our
present and disturbs our future. It makes us unhappy and forces us to
unwillingly make sacrifices to please others. What we don't realize is that
sometimes those repeated selfless acts turn into expectations.
For example, if you are spoon-feeding someone every day, you
will be loved and appreciated initially. Soon, it becomes a routine. The day
you stop, you will not just annoy the other person, they will blame you for
being selfish. Because, it has become a habit for them to expect the
spoon-feeding from you. Similarly, if you are offering money to an able family
member in need continuously, the person is slowly turning into a parasite. S/he
will always be in need of money and will have a tendency to take advantage of
your goodness. Just refuse them the money once and you will see their true
colours. Of course, only if you are able to get rid of your feeling of guilt
first.
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Perhaps there is no perfect way or approach to kill that
guilt-feeling.
But you can always make a beginning by setting daily goals.
For example, "I will complete these 3 things today, regardless of
everything and NOT feel guilty." How often do we feel guilty for depriving
ourselves of the little flickers of happiness we deserve to enjoy? Rarely.
Those unfulfilled desires translate into regrets later in life.
Even on this day, there are thousands of school-girls
especially in villages who feel guilty for going to school and not being able
to help their mother with household chores. There are 21st century superwomen
who feel guilty for going to office and leaving their child with a family
member or a babysitter. There are people, both men and women who stay unmarried
lifelong to provide for their families. They feel guilty that marriage might
change them, because they are the sole breadwinners.
It is great to help others
and always be there for them. But not at the cost of denying yourself what is
rightfully yours. Go dance in the rain, enjoy that cool breeze, go on that solo
trip, set your eyes on the unthinkable dream and achieve it. Because no one but
you and you alone can stand up for yourself and live your dream. Shed your
inhibitions, kick the guilt, and enjoy life till you have it. |
